Run This Town 04 - (Watch Me) Save You Read online

  Ah, fuck. “I know all about that.” He didn’t know what else to say. He was a stranger passing through Quinn’s life, incapable of dealing with his own mess, he couldn’t help the other man even though he wanted to reach out and yank Quinn free of that hole he was sinking into.

  “Stay with me,” Quinn said softly. “Until I fall asleep?”

  “Okay.” Tek nodded.

  Quinn settled back onto the couch again, releasing Tek’s fingers to plump the pillow under his head. He tossed Tek one of the throw pillows, and Tek nodded his thanks. Tek stretched out on the floor on his stomach, hugging the pillow under his head. Noise from outside filtered in, cars driving up the street, people talking. The sun was going down and he needed a shower to wash away the activities of the night before, but he didn’t want to leave Quinn alone.

  He’d just rest his eyes.

  Chapter Six

  The sun on his face woke Quinn. He groaned and rolled, almost falling off the couch. Shit. He lifted his head, peering through slitted eyes. The first thing he saw was the man on the floor next to the couch, snoring softly, pillow hugged close.

  Tek had stayed with him. And he’d slept.

  Holy shit. Quinn jerked upright, his back protesting loudly. He swung his legs down onto the floor. He’d slept the night away. It hadn’t all been nightmare free, but Tek had helped, bringing him out of it, talking to him.

  Holding his hand.

  Quinn stared down at his own fingers where they clutched the edge of the cushion. He’d touched Tek, held him willingly. He closed his eyes. He’d talked to him about Xavier, about wanting to die.

  Shit.

  He got off the couch slowly, quietly, intent on escaping upstairs before Tek woke up. Two steps and Tek was sliding upright, a gun in his hand pointed at Quinn.

  He froze, knees knocking, eyes wide. Tek cocked his head, sleep fading from his eyes.

  “Quinn.” He dropped the hand that held the gun. “How did you sleep?”

  Like they weren’t going to acknowledge the gun he’d just pointed at Quinn? He opened and closed his mouth twice then cleared his throat. “I’m— Gonna… I have to—” He turned and walked away, hurrying up the stairs without glancing back.

  In his bedroom he bolted the door then stripped and stepped into the bathroom, locking that door as well before he got into the shower. He stood there, water falling over his head and shoulders and tried to make his brain work. He’d dropped his guard with Tek, which he blamed on the nightmares. For the first time, he allowed himself to get comfortable, even if it was for just a second, with another person. Let another man comfort him. A man he didn’t know.

  Tek coming awake with a gun in his hand drove that point home way too clearly. The danger in his eyes, present before he’d recognized Quinn, that was scary. And Quinn knew scary. Tek’s presence was a threat suddenly, but Quinn didn’t know why. He just knew, as he stepped out the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, that he needed to get Tek out of his life.

  He got dressed with stiff movements, mind on just what he’d say to Tek. He couldn’t deny the other man had helped him, but he didn’t want to rely on anyone. He’d gotten this far without anyone’s help, he could do it, and besides, Tek was a stranger who’d go back to his own life.

  Quinn sank onto the bed, palms gripping his thighs.

  Tek had said they weren’t that different. Quinn believed him, he believed that Tek had seen some dark shit. And he remembered too that Tek had never answered his question last night about why he needed to stay at Quinn’s instead of a hotel or with friends. Israel had said he wasn’t wanted, wasn’t in trouble, but how exactly would Quinn know?

  After an hour of sitting up in his room, staring at the carpeted floor, he made his way downstairs. Tek wasn’t around. Quinn exhaled and went into the kitchen, searching for food to put in his growling stomach. Some days he forgot to eat and others he spent hours sitting on the granite countertop, shoving all kinds of shit into his mouth.

  He really was a mess.

  Almost lunchtime, but he was in the mood for pancakes, so he grabbed the necessary stuff from his cupboards. He had to check the expiration date on the food. Since he rarely cooked, it wasn’t farfetched to think that nearly everything in there would be well past its use-by date.

  Pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon. Peach compote.

  He was ravenous. When everything was gathered on the countertop, he grabbed the bottle of orange juice and stood in the open fridge doorway and chugged it. Damn it, when was the last time he ate?

  The house phone rang, the shrill sound startling him. He turned to grab the cordless in the kitchen then realized he’d smashed it the day before. The next phone was in the other room and he couldn’t be bothered. So he stood there, staring down at the carton of eggs while the phone rang and rang. Again and again.

  It’d pause then go again.

  It stopped finally. He breathed.

  His cellphone went off in the front pocket of his jeans.

  Damn it. He fished it out and muttered a curse when he saw Low’s number there. He answered, otherwise his coworker just might drive over to check on him. The last thing Quinn wanted. “Low, hey.”

  “Dude, what’s up? I’ve been calling your house over and over.”

  “Yeah, I—Uh…” Tek chose that moment to walk into the kitchen, freshly showered, hair damp, in a plain white tee and faded jeans, feet bare. “I was in the shower.” Quinn spun around, giving Tek his back. “What’s up?”

  “Ain’t nuthin, checking up on you,” Low said. “When are you coming back?”

  Quinn shrugged. “Few days.” Maybe going back to work just might help him, get him so tired he’d be able to fall sleep once Tek was gone. “Yeah, few days.”

  “Cool, ’cause I’m getting tired of this fool they’ve got me working with.” Low cursed. “Drop a brotha a line, dude. Got me worrying over your ass.”

  Quinn managed a chuckle. “I’m getting some rest, Low. Dunno why you’re worried.” His face heated at the blatant lie, but Low didn’t need to know his business. No one needed to know and that included the man whose presence he felt at his back. “Listen, I’m about to get me something to eat so we’ll talk soon.”

  “Yeah, cool. Later, man.”

  “Later.” He ended the call and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

  “So you do have contact with the outside world,” Tek said behind him. “Wondered about that.”

  Quinn spun. “What?”

  Tek leaned against the counter, both elbows on the smooth surface, eyes intense on Quinn’s face. “I thought that phone was only for show.” He lifted a shoulder.

  “Of course I have contact with the—” Quinn huffed. “That was my coworker checking up on me.”

  Tek nodded. “Got that. What I didn’t get is why you lied to him.” He lifted an eyebrow. “We both know you’re far from fine.”

  “How about you mind your business?”

  “Sure.” Tek’s gaze flickered to somewhere behind Quinn. “You gonna cook? ’Cause I can eat.”

  A tight laugh forced its way past Quinn’s lips. “You want me to cook for you?”

  “I am the guest, and you do already plan on it so…”

  Quinn rolled his eyes and turned back to doing what he’d originally planned to, all the while trying to ignore Tek. It wasn’t easy. The other man didn’t speak, but his presence was loud, leaving Quinn on edge.

  “You need help?”

  Tek’s question at Quinn’s ear startled him, and he yelped and spun around. “What the hell?”

  Tek threw both hands up, no apology in his eyes. “Just wanted to see if you needed help.”

  He smelled like Quinn. Like Quinn’s soap. Which was weird and… just weird. “Can you go away, please?” His throat closed up. “I can’t— I need space.”

  “You ever thought that maybe that’s not what you need?” Tek’s eyes glittered with a challenge Quinn couldn’t afford to accept.

 
; “No.”

  Tek gave him a ghost of a nod, even though the challenge remained in his dark eyes. “I’m gonna be over there.” He waved at the doorway. “Do your thing, Quinn.” He turned away after speaking those soft words that made Quinn want to curl up and cry.

  Quinn went back to flipping pancakes, head bowed to hide the moistening in his eyes. Why did he feel as if Tek saw him, like, saw past the bullshit, past the pain to him?

  He needed to get Tek out of his house. That ran over and over in his head as he finished cooking and piled his food onto a plate. He filled a glass with orange juice and sat at the breakfast bar, lifting an eyebrow at a watching Tek.

  “I know you’re not expecting me to serve you.”

  Tek’s mouth twitched. “Thought never crossed my mind.” He walked past Quinn and went about getting his own plate together then he was pulling out a stool next to Quinn, sitting next to him, eating next to him.

  Quinn couldn’t breathe. He put a hand at his throat as if that would help the situation. “Listen, Tek—”

  A cellphone went off. Tek’s. He held up a hand as he answered. “Is, what’s up?”

  Quinn tensed as Tek got up and began walking out the room.

  “Calm,” Tek said into the phone. “Think I’ll head out tomorrow.”

  Those were the words Quinn wanted to hear, so he broke his gaze away from Tek’s retreating back and tried to concentrate on his food, Tek’s barked laugh fading as were the words, “Didn’t know I was supposed to…”

  ****

  “He’s… quiet,” Tek told Israel as he walked out the house and stood on Quinn’s front steps. He didn’t want the other man to hear his conversation, especially when he discussed Quinn. “And different.”

  “What do you mean, different how?” Israel asked.

  “Dunno.” Tek shrugged. He heard the instant worry in Israel’s voice, but he couldn’t tell his friend all he’d seen in the couple days he’d spent with Quinn. He couldn’t break the other man’s confidence. “Just… I can’t put my finger on it.”

  “I know how you stay, son. No putting fingers anywhere.”

  “Thought never crossed my mind.” It hadn’t.

  “Uh-huh. He’s off limits.”

  “Noted.” Of course Quinn was off limits, no one had to tell Tek that. He had eyes. “No activity from our local pals.” He switched topics. “There was a quick news piece about the missing member of Vega’s crew suspected in the robbery and murder of a local businessman, but nothing else. Streets are saying Vega dealt with it in-house.”

  “Let’s hope they run with that talk,” Israel said. “Hurry and get your ass back here, your moms is giving me the evil eye. I think she’s thinking up some very creative ways to kill me.”

  Tek snorted. “You know damn well she’d never hurt your delicate ass.” His mother liked Israel. He wasn’t as complicated as her son.

  “Is that Tek?” The sound of his mother’s voice over the phone had Tek tensing. “Tell him I say he come home now.”

  “Your moms says hurry up, son. Your fiancé is missing you.”

  “Shit.” To his mother, marrying Mei-Lei would cure all Tek’s problems.

  Israel chuckled at Tek’s curse. They always laughed at his mother’s attempts to marry Tek off, stuck as she was in her denials, while Tek dodged her efforts like a ninja. But Tek had never shared just how much his mother wanted that marriage. He’d never shared with his friends just how much she wanted him to be anybody but who he was, which was… he didn’t fully know himself.

  “Later, man. Tell Quinn we’ll talk later.”

  “Aight.” He hit the end button and stuck the phone in his front jeans pocket, keeping his hands there as he stared out at Quinn’s front yard. He watched a squirrel dodge behind one of the bushes near the street, watched the kids on the property opposite play football in the front yard. He wondered if Quinn knew his neighbors, if they knew him. He didn’t go outside, not in the days Tek had been there. Doubtful he did it when he was all alone.

  Tek wished he could help him. But the nasty fucking voice in his head had him wondering, who will help you?

  He shook the voice, ignored it as he walked back inside, closing the door behind him. He made his way to the kitchen, to Quinn, where his host sat, hunched over the food on his plate, head bowed. He held himself stiff, as if waiting for a blow.

  “I didn’t tell him.” He climbed back onto the stool and went back to eating the lukewarm pancakes. They were good. The scrambled eggs and compote, too. Quinn could rustle up some grub, it seemed dude just didn’t like to.

  Quinn’s shoulders slumped when Tek reassured him of his silence, but then he sniffed and shrugged as if it was no big deal. “Wasn’t worried.” The fingers clutching his fork gave away the lie, and Tek chuckled.

  “Yeah, sure.” Maybe he should have told Israel that his friend was off center, that he needed help, that he couldn’t sleep, didn’t eat, and toted around a gun like one would a fucking accessory. Tek did the same with his Beretta, but he had a reason why.

  Quinn had to have a reason. How could Tek find it out? Did he want to?

  Fix you before you try fixing anybody else. That sounded suspiciously like Elias. Which freaked Tek the fuck out.

  “So where do you work?” he asked softly.

  Quinn jerked. “What?” He didn’t look at Tek.

  “The call from your coworker earlier. Where do you work?”

  “Oh.” Quinn took an inordinate amount of time cutting his pancake into teeny, tiny pieces before answering. “EMT. I’m an EMT.”

  Huh. “You don’t say.” Tek chewed slowly, methodically. “How does that work when you’re scared to touch people?”

  “I’m not scared.” Quinn swung toward him, face a twisted mask of anger and resentment. “I’m not afraid of anything,” he said sharply. “I just don’t like it. Touching. Being touched.”

  Tek smoothed his features, tamping down a smile. “You had no problem touching me last night. You clung to me so tight I thought you’d never let go.”

  The fire in Quinn’s eyes was a thing of fucking beauty. Tek stared at him, fighting the urge to shade his own gaze from the glare.

  “Fuck you. I wasn’t touching you. I thought you were someone else.”

  Tek ran with that excuse, though they both recognized the lie. “Let me guess, Xavier? The man you love, but can’t have for some unexplained reason?” It was fun, he realized, riling Quinn up, watching that shadowed defeat leave his eyes, watching the fight light him up, brighten him up, make him glow.

  Something gathered in his belly. Tightened.

  Good God.

  Quinn pushed his plate away and got off the stool. “You’re wrong, you know.” He glanced away then back to Tek, and the fight was gone. Hurt was back, loss and acceptance, too. “We are different.” He headed out the kitchen then stopped at the doorway, keeping his back to Tek as he spoke again. “I left him. He loved me, and I walked away. Unlike you, who never had what I had, I’m betting. I had love and if I want it back, I can get it like that.” He snapped his fingers. “You don’t get to judge me, whoever the fuck you are, because what I had you could never conceive of receiving.”

  He disappeared, leaving those words ringing in Tek’s ears. Each syllable dropping on him, slicing off a piece of him. Quinn would never know how fucking right he was. He sat there, the weight of Quinn’s tirade locking him in place to where he couldn’t move, only bow his head as the words echoed all around him. He’d never had a chance with Elias. Not even inside Rikers when he had Elias’s body.

  It was like a sacrifice, a means to an end to his friend. Protect Tek, and the best way to do that was to own him, fuck him with a half dozen pair of eyes on them, order him to his knees to suck Elias off while they stood in a circle formed by men intent on gutting them any second if they didn’t perform to their satisfaction.

  Elias took his duty to heart, didn’t he? And Tek, fool that he was, took that sacrifice to mean more t
han it was. He didn’t understand how Elias could share what he shared with Tek then the instant those exit doors closed behind him, the instant he was back on the streets again, it was as if it never happened.

  Compartmentalizing hadn’t been Tek’s strong suit, not then. He’d lost his fucking mind, and who’d been there to help him put it together again?

  He barked a laugh and food flew from his mouth.

  Elias loved him. Never a doubt about that. But he loved Tek like a friend, not quite a brother, because who fucked their brother, huh? Who did all those fucked up things Elias had done to him, huh? He loved Tek, but like someone he had to protect, take care of, coddle. Because Tek didn’t have that anywhere else, not from his parents, not from family. God knew another man wouldn’t want him.

  Who would love him once he explained the unexplainable?

  Sometimes I wake up and I want—need—to be in a dress. I need to be a woman. But not all the time. Sometimes.

  That shit didn’t even make sense to him.

  Stavros didn’t want him, not really. Stavros got off on control and Tek ceded control to him. Because that’s what he needed to get off. He got to be whoever he wanted to be with Stavros. And that made the difference. He got his dick wet whenever he went to The Bluffs, in Joe territory, but Joe had his own shit to deal with, his own denials to battle. A blow job here and there, Tek could handle that. Anything more he sought out Stavros.

  Everybody got a piece of him.

  That was his life.

  So yes, Quinn was correct. He would never have someone love him, need him, fight for him the way he wanted. The way he’d dreamed of once upon a time. Nowadays he didn’t dream about things that would never come to be. He lived in the moment.

  The drugs helped.

  His phone pinged, vibrating in his pockets. He pulled it out with a sigh, closing his eyes on a curse when he saw Mei-Lei’s number displayed.

  Fuck.

  This time he answered, speaking to the woman he’d been engaged to since puberty. “This is Tek.”

  “Um.” She sounded startled. Probably didn’t expect him to answer this time, either. “Hi. This is—”